In the year 2009 when the country was being terrorized by the highly dangerous H1N1 virus,the young minds of my class were being thrown into the valley of insanity by a mentality virus M1 (Termed so by me and Pratik as usual).
M1 is an imaginary virus that seemed to manipulate the behaviour of perfectly healthy students of my class and turn them into a bunch of mental jerks.So now,let me explain the science of M1.
Cause of M1: Unknown,maybe being in SFIT.
Symptoms:
1.Suddenly starting to laugh loudly without any reason, preferably, during an ongoing lecture.
2.Making wierd sounds during lecture and then laughin out loud.
3.Shouting in wierd tones.
4.Calling names of people in utmost vaghri tone.
5.Talking to non-living things like bench,fan or bottle of vodka.
6.Playing wierd games like attempting murder by sqeezing necks,or flying kites with girls hair,bashing heads of friends
7.Singing loudly in the middle of a lecture without any sense of time and place.
8.Falling off from one side of the bench to the other side of it,the mechanism of such fall is still unknown even to experts.
9.Irritating the person sitting on the next bench by performing various important actions like:
a.Scratching his back.
b.Pushing his shoulders.
c.Pushing his shoulders on the rhythm of a song,while singing.
d.Singing that song in a very vaghri tone.
e.Hiding his I-Card somewhere.
f.Putting water over their head.
g.Telling them to look back, say "Ha Ha Ha" & then start lookin somewhere else.
h.Hitting on their face,preferably their specs with absolutely anything at hand,like pouch,book or assignment pages.
i.Putting stuff like chocolate wrappers, wasted papers, pencils, pens etc. in the back of their shirt.
j.Doing all these things within a periods of 5 to 10 minutes proves you to be a certifiable M1 affected patient.
If you observe these symptoms in anyone including yourself,please consult a nearby psychiatrist. It's a matter of high importance!!
Casualties:Minds of many students.
Cure: Note:There maybe a cure for H1N1 but there is no cure for M1.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
More On The Tourist Professor
This article is dedicated to profound comparison between behavioural patterns of a Normal Professor(NP) and a Tourist Professor(TP). After a careful observation of a TP in our college (which is arguably the only reasonable thing to be done during his lectures) ,we have come to realise that there are some major differences in the two kinds which set them apart.
This is a sincere effort to list'em down.
1.Motive of coming to college:
A NP comes to college to take lectures and educate young minds. A TP comes to college to do timepass (interestingly,even short form of timepass is TP) and roam around in the campus .
2.Entry in the class:
A NP enters the class,rubs the blackboard,revises the last lecture in a few minutes and stats off with the lecture.
TP enters the class,spends a few minutes in necessary rituals like taking an apparently pointless round of the class,then closing the door,then taking another round and asking senseless questions like "Howwaz your weekend?" or gossiping about other professors before remotely showing any interest in starting the lecture.
3.The lecture:
NP gives a lecture with clear concepts and in a knowledgeable manner. If a doubt is asked, he takes an effort to solve it or else refers to a book.
TP's lecture is a simple dictation of paragraphs from a book. The idea seems to be,' why complicate things with explanations and knowledge when a ready made book is available'.
He would rather draw a diagram and then sit on the last bench for 15 minutes and read the book and decide which portion to dictate.
In case an unwitting soul asks a doubt,he would shamelessly say "It's given in the book" or "do a google search". Taking an effort to solve a student's doubt seems to be a fruitless waste of time when he has better things to do like taking another tour of the college and gossiping.
Also,for NP,completion of syllabus is a major concern but TP is free of any such senseless burden of responsibility. He teaches small,easy fractions of each chapter and recommends a book to refer for self study of everything else.
4.Practicals:
NP would start a practical session with explanation of the topic of the session in detail and the logic if programming is to be done. He would keenly check if every student is able to perform the practical.
Again,TP has rid himself of any such responsibility. His usual methodology is very simple. He enters the lab 10minutes late,writes the topic of the session on the board and gives the all important insight on the topic by saying "Do a google search and submit it next time."
After this,he has spends the next two hours in doing the most important things for a TP, Chatting with friends on gtalk from a Lab computer or talking on cellphone or else,taking another of those rounds of college for reasons unknown.
He would cancel a practical session if Internet connection is not available in the lab.
5.Paper Checking:
NP would check the papers with a concern for correcting students mistakes,so that they won't repeat the same mistakes again. He would discuss the answers in the class.
But a TP doesn't indulge himself in any such activity. He rather gives 70-80% marks to everyone who has drawn enough diagrams and written on enough pages of paper. If someone asks a doubt about his score,he would frankly answer "Marks badhane ke liye answer padhna padega yaar." and leave. The student ofcourse wouldn't mind bcoz he's scored already much more than deserved for most of the answers.
6.Image In Students:
NP has a clear and respectable image in heart of the students.He would be a source of profound knowledge to them.
TP is the source for timepass and comments due to his classroom behaviours like getting stuck in the middle of the lecture and a hundred ways of wasting time so as to extend the lecture upto an hours slot. He is also a source of a good term work score because he awards too many marks to students in order to masks his lack of knowledge.
As you must have observed,the only observable similarity between a normal professor and tourist professor is his post and his salary.
Now why does a tourist professor exist or is tolerated by students is a topic of research.Is it because they are afraid that even if they complain,the college will take his side or at most,give him some instructions but he'll hold a grudge against complaining students?
Or is it because of the free termwork score that they get from him?
Or is it because his behaviour is soothing on the background of other khadus or shouting professors?
More importantly,why does he take so many tours of the college? What does he get out of these tourist activities?
Whatever be the reason,tourist professor is here and is a prominent source of entertainment in the otherwise boring college day.
This is a sincere effort to list'em down.
1.Motive of coming to college:
A NP comes to college to take lectures and educate young minds. A TP comes to college to do timepass (interestingly,even short form of timepass is TP) and roam around in the campus .
2.Entry in the class:
A NP enters the class,rubs the blackboard,revises the last lecture in a few minutes and stats off with the lecture.
TP enters the class,spends a few minutes in necessary rituals like taking an apparently pointless round of the class,then closing the door,then taking another round and asking senseless questions like "Howwaz your weekend?" or gossiping about other professors before remotely showing any interest in starting the lecture.
3.The lecture:
NP gives a lecture with clear concepts and in a knowledgeable manner. If a doubt is asked, he takes an effort to solve it or else refers to a book.
TP's lecture is a simple dictation of paragraphs from a book. The idea seems to be,' why complicate things with explanations and knowledge when a ready made book is available'.
He would rather draw a diagram and then sit on the last bench for 15 minutes and read the book and decide which portion to dictate.
In case an unwitting soul asks a doubt,he would shamelessly say "It's given in the book" or "do a google search". Taking an effort to solve a student's doubt seems to be a fruitless waste of time when he has better things to do like taking another tour of the college and gossiping.
Also,for NP,completion of syllabus is a major concern but TP is free of any such senseless burden of responsibility. He teaches small,easy fractions of each chapter and recommends a book to refer for self study of everything else.
4.Practicals:
NP would start a practical session with explanation of the topic of the session in detail and the logic if programming is to be done. He would keenly check if every student is able to perform the practical.
Again,TP has rid himself of any such responsibility. His usual methodology is very simple. He enters the lab 10minutes late,writes the topic of the session on the board and gives the all important insight on the topic by saying "Do a google search and submit it next time."
After this,he has spends the next two hours in doing the most important things for a TP, Chatting with friends on gtalk from a Lab computer or talking on cellphone or else,taking another of those rounds of college for reasons unknown.
He would cancel a practical session if Internet connection is not available in the lab.
5.Paper Checking:
NP would check the papers with a concern for correcting students mistakes,so that they won't repeat the same mistakes again. He would discuss the answers in the class.
But a TP doesn't indulge himself in any such activity. He rather gives 70-80% marks to everyone who has drawn enough diagrams and written on enough pages of paper. If someone asks a doubt about his score,he would frankly answer "Marks badhane ke liye answer padhna padega yaar." and leave. The student ofcourse wouldn't mind bcoz he's scored already much more than deserved for most of the answers.
6.Image In Students:
NP has a clear and respectable image in heart of the students.He would be a source of profound knowledge to them.
TP is the source for timepass and comments due to his classroom behaviours like getting stuck in the middle of the lecture and a hundred ways of wasting time so as to extend the lecture upto an hours slot. He is also a source of a good term work score because he awards too many marks to students in order to masks his lack of knowledge.
As you must have observed,the only observable similarity between a normal professor and tourist professor is his post and his salary.
Now why does a tourist professor exist or is tolerated by students is a topic of research.Is it because they are afraid that even if they complain,the college will take his side or at most,give him some instructions but he'll hold a grudge against complaining students?
Or is it because of the free termwork score that they get from him?
Or is it because his behaviour is soothing on the background of other khadus or shouting professors?
More importantly,why does he take so many tours of the college? What does he get out of these tourist activities?
Whatever be the reason,tourist professor is here and is a prominent source of entertainment in the otherwise boring college day.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Perceptions of Classroom
First of all,this post is not about any particular principle.
Here,I just present a fact based on some keen observations by me and my friend Manan.
According to our observations,although our classroom is a single entity, 72 people coming to the class have different perceptions about it.
Here are some of the perceptions of classroom:
1.It's not a classroom but a Playground.People play many games like pakdapakdi,football and even cricket.
2.It's not a classroom but a Wrestling Ring or a fight club where you come to fight with each other and bang on each others head,back,hand and rest of the body. We even doubt that our class is sponsored by WWE although we don't know that for sure.
3.It's not a classroom but a Clubhouse where one can play wide array of indoor games ranging from card games like 3patti,poker,mendhicoat or UNO to mind games like scrabble to senseless games like forming a word from another word.
This perception is so strong that people play most of these games even during the boring lectures,which essentially includes all the lectures without an ounce of regret or shame.
4.It's not a classroom but a Restaurant and you may eat during the lectures.
5.It's a Chaatu-giri Contest and you're supposed to take chaatugiri of professors as a fulltime job.
6.Is a Singing Competition.Now,There is some good singing,some bad singing and then some absolute torture.
7.It's a Laughter Challenge.These fellas come to college with a single motive of telling their lame ass pj's to other people and torture their senses.
8.It's not a classroom but a Gaming Zone where you come to play various versions of FIFA, ProEvolution Soccer and other army games on bluetooth with each other.Some of the students come to classroom simply for the sake of playin these games in all the lectures.
Well,it's at least a million times more interesting than listenin to professors .
9.This brings me to professors.Even their perceptions of classroom are wide.For example:
a. Some think it's a Reading Contest and simply read out notes from textbooks or PowerPoint Presentations.
b. One thinks it's a Shoutin Contest and shouts till her lungs explode,even during role calls.
c. A very famous faculty comes only to roam around in the college and we suspect that he thinks whole college is a garden or a tourist place and call him the TOURIST of the college.
d. One of the faculty members comes to play self invented games like StandUp-SitDown, ComeHere-GoThere,GiveUrCell-TakeUrCell,CrackAJoke etc. Now if he actually reads this,chances are,he will probably take me to our HOD's office and make me pay some fine or something coz that is also one of his games- called ComeToShanbagSir'sOffice or even called as BiasedTorture.
Now I am only human and am bound to have an opinionated observation.If I missed something or if I hurt someone, then my bad, sorry, but these are d fuckin facts.
Besides,me and Manan have our own perception of classroom. We think it's an Entertainment Industry. We come to classroom,observe all these games,play a few,make fun of all,laugh all day and go home.
Now,although I posted all these observations,it doesn't mean that i am against any of the students bcoz I know that these are just our ways of surviving the accumulated effect of various factors like frustrating professors, knowledge-less professors,care-less professors,biased professors and in all an Agonizingly Discipline Obsessed College with a lack of sensible professors with reasonable knowledge with a few exceptions.
One has to find something interesting everyday or else you'd die of boredom.
Here,I just present a fact based on some keen observations by me and my friend Manan.
According to our observations,although our classroom is a single entity, 72 people coming to the class have different perceptions about it.
Here are some of the perceptions of classroom:
1.It's not a classroom but a Playground.People play many games like pakdapakdi,football and even cricket.
2.It's not a classroom but a Wrestling Ring or a fight club where you come to fight with each other and bang on each others head,back,hand and rest of the body. We even doubt that our class is sponsored by WWE although we don't know that for sure.
3.It's not a classroom but a Clubhouse where one can play wide array of indoor games ranging from card games like 3patti,poker,mendhicoat or UNO to mind games like scrabble to senseless games like forming a word from another word.
This perception is so strong that people play most of these games even during the boring lectures,which essentially includes all the lectures without an ounce of regret or shame.
4.It's not a classroom but a Restaurant and you may eat during the lectures.
5.It's a Chaatu-giri Contest and you're supposed to take chaatugiri of professors as a fulltime job.
6.Is a Singing Competition.Now,There is some good singing,some bad singing and then some absolute torture.
7.It's a Laughter Challenge.These fellas come to college with a single motive of telling their lame ass pj's to other people and torture their senses.
8.It's not a classroom but a Gaming Zone where you come to play various versions of FIFA, ProEvolution Soccer and other army games on bluetooth with each other.Some of the students come to classroom simply for the sake of playin these games in all the lectures.
Well,it's at least a million times more interesting than listenin to professors .
9.This brings me to professors.Even their perceptions of classroom are wide.For example:
a. Some think it's a Reading Contest and simply read out notes from textbooks or PowerPoint Presentations.
b. One thinks it's a Shoutin Contest and shouts till her lungs explode,even during role calls.
c. A very famous faculty comes only to roam around in the college and we suspect that he thinks whole college is a garden or a tourist place and call him the TOURIST of the college.
d. One of the faculty members comes to play self invented games like StandUp-SitDown, ComeHere-GoThere,GiveUrCell-TakeUrCell,CrackAJoke etc. Now if he actually reads this,chances are,he will probably take me to our HOD's office and make me pay some fine or something coz that is also one of his games- called ComeToShanbagSir'sOffice or even called as BiasedTorture.
Now I am only human and am bound to have an opinionated observation.If I missed something or if I hurt someone, then my bad, sorry, but these are d fuckin facts.
Besides,me and Manan have our own perception of classroom. We think it's an Entertainment Industry. We come to classroom,observe all these games,play a few,make fun of all,laugh all day and go home.
Now,although I posted all these observations,it doesn't mean that i am against any of the students bcoz I know that these are just our ways of surviving the accumulated effect of various factors like frustrating professors, knowledge-less professors,care-less professors,biased professors and in all an Agonizingly Discipline Obsessed College with a lack of sensible professors with reasonable knowledge with a few exceptions.
One has to find something interesting everyday or else you'd die of boredom.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
PTTP: Pratik's Three Time Principle
This one is solely accredited to my friend Pratik.
As you can see, PTTP stands for Pratik's three time principle.
I know I have wasted three lines typing the stuff that is obvious from the title and then wasted two more lines in saying that I've wasted two lines...but well,why should I care? space is free here,isn't it?? ;)
Seems I lost my train of thoughts there...but now,coming back to Pratik's Three Time Principle.
For those who know Pratik, he's a man for logical behaviour . So when he tries to convince someone something logically,he expects a logical co-operation,which is quite a logical expectation.
But most of the times,nobody cares about the logic and only keep repeating their points,without much thinking about what the other person is saying.
So that gave birth to PTTP.
The PTTP says that if during a conversation about convincing someone,that someone repeats his sentence for third consecutive time it's time to give up the efforts.
Think about it,since he repeated it three times,there's high probability that he'll repeat it for fourth or indefinite more times...
Do you really wanna waste your time talking to some idiot or would you rather apply PTTP and get the hell out of a agonizing conversation??
Just like UCNL,we have also been practising PTTP since our two engineering years,especially with arguably insane friends who have a tendency of wanting to win an argument regardless the actual topic of argument. For example,if you're having an argument with my friend Smit,it's always advisable to apply PTTP unless you want a severe headache after the end of the conversation or want to end up killing him.
There are worse cases like a few faculty members that have absolutely "No Input".
You can apply special corollaries like "Two Time Principle" or "One Time Principle" in such extremely menacing cases.
There is another variance called as Zero Time Principle or more commonly "Pratik's Ignore Principle" or PIP .It's usually applied to certifiably irritating friends with a tendancy of irritating you more once you start replying.
Every engineer has applied PTTP or its variances sometime or the other without knowing that a genius has actually formulated it down to a principle. But well,since you've read this,you know whom to thank for a sigh of relief when you sneak out of a frustrating argument thanks to PTTP...
As you can see, PTTP stands for Pratik's three time principle.
I know I have wasted three lines typing the stuff that is obvious from the title and then wasted two more lines in saying that I've wasted two lines...but well,why should I care? space is free here,isn't it?? ;)
Seems I lost my train of thoughts there...but now,coming back to Pratik's Three Time Principle.
For those who know Pratik, he's a man for logical behaviour . So when he tries to convince someone something logically,he expects a logical co-operation,which is quite a logical expectation.
But most of the times,nobody cares about the logic and only keep repeating their points,without much thinking about what the other person is saying.
So that gave birth to PTTP.
The PTTP says that if during a conversation about convincing someone,that someone repeats his sentence for third consecutive time it's time to give up the efforts.
Think about it,since he repeated it three times,there's high probability that he'll repeat it for fourth or indefinite more times...
Do you really wanna waste your time talking to some idiot or would you rather apply PTTP and get the hell out of a agonizing conversation??
Just like UCNL,we have also been practising PTTP since our two engineering years,especially with arguably insane friends who have a tendency of wanting to win an argument regardless the actual topic of argument. For example,if you're having an argument with my friend Smit,it's always advisable to apply PTTP unless you want a severe headache after the end of the conversation or want to end up killing him.
There are worse cases like a few faculty members that have absolutely "No Input".
You can apply special corollaries like "Two Time Principle" or "One Time Principle" in such extremely menacing cases.
There is another variance called as Zero Time Principle or more commonly "Pratik's Ignore Principle" or PIP .It's usually applied to certifiably irritating friends with a tendancy of irritating you more once you start replying.
Every engineer has applied PTTP or its variances sometime or the other without knowing that a genius has actually formulated it down to a principle. But well,since you've read this,you know whom to thank for a sigh of relief when you sneak out of a frustrating argument thanks to PTTP...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
UCNL
UCNL is a general logic named so by me and my friend Pratik.
UCNL stands for 'Universal "Chhod Na!" Logic'.
In sophesticated english it'd be 'Universal "Leave it" Logic" which would make it ULIL.But UCNL sounds more profound so,to hell with sophestication!!
The idea is that in all walks of life,one tries hard to achieve his goals, tries even harder when achieving them seems difficult. But at one point or the other,one has to let go of obsession of things that are out of reach. One has to say "Chhod Na yar!!" and forget about it.
This stage may come too early for a quitter and far too late for an insanely passionate person.
But the fact is,this stage does come.
Now interesting thing is,you can apply this "Chhod Na" logic anytime,anywhere in any context without much change in the outcomes,that is instant relief from all worries and freedom to do whatever you want to do without any restrictions from past.In this sense,this logic is essentially Universal,hence d name UCNL.
UCNL stands for 'Universal "Chhod Na!" Logic'.
In sophesticated english it'd be 'Universal "Leave it" Logic" which would make it ULIL.But UCNL sounds more profound so,to hell with sophestication!!
The idea is that in all walks of life,one tries hard to achieve his goals, tries even harder when achieving them seems difficult. But at one point or the other,one has to let go of obsession of things that are out of reach. One has to say "Chhod Na yar!!" and forget about it.
This stage may come too early for a quitter and far too late for an insanely passionate person.
But the fact is,this stage does come.
Now interesting thing is,you can apply this "Chhod Na" logic anytime,anywhere in any context without much change in the outcomes,that is instant relief from all worries and freedom to do whatever you want to do without any restrictions from past.In this sense,this logic is essentially Universal,hence d name UCNL.
We guys have learnt to apply UCNL in various sects of life ranging from small things like unidentifiable characters in friends' assignments, uninterpretable language used by professors to more heavy stuff in life like breakoffs and major failures.
The result is always the same,one gets extra energy due to release from unnecessary worries.Now,if this energy is utilized in doing something worthwhile,then it's pretty damn effective.
But if you're gonna use it to worry about something else,better stick to worrying,don't bother practising the UCNL.
It may sound a bit negative in attitude to say "Chhod Na" but this logic has in fact made a huge positive impact on lives of all those who applied it in the right place at the right time.
Afterall,it's all about knowing when to let go...
The result is always the same,one gets extra energy due to release from unnecessary worries.Now,if this energy is utilized in doing something worthwhile,then it's pretty damn effective.
But if you're gonna use it to worry about something else,better stick to worrying,don't bother practising the UCNL.
It may sound a bit negative in attitude to say "Chhod Na" but this logic has in fact made a huge positive impact on lives of all those who applied it in the right place at the right time.
Afterall,it's all about knowing when to let go...
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