Friday, January 29, 2010

Essential Elements of an IV

Having just come back from our yearly Industrial Visit (IV) courtesy CSI, and hving already uploaded d pics on Internet, I feel obligated to share my views on what I think are the elements that make the IV the most interesting event in an engineering year.
As usual I am gonna make a list of all such elements with no sense of order in them.

Great Timing after the Exams:
The IV is usually just after end of the odd semester university exams. All of us have had a great time at eating up every written word of d books and vomiting it on d exam day only to forget everything we've read d moment we submit d damn paper.
Most of us have a fear of a few KTs, some with an extensive experience in the field of KTs fear a drop. Without an exception, every single person believes that every single paper was set by a moron with no knowledge or sense of importance of the topics.
With all this tension and stress, the Industrial Visit with it's prime features like no studies, no assignments, no khadus professors, no monitoring of anyone and most essentially, no control, comes as a genuine stress buster. It's perfect timing of just a few days after the exam amplifies it's effect to the optimum level.

Lafdas In reservation:
Usually all the members of your group will get a seat reserved in a different part of the train,that is, if they get a seat at all. Although this is a bloody mess on the part of the organisers, the sharing of seats and the adjustments have a fun-quotient of their own. Spending sleepless nights in the train, the pranks, the poker games in the congested area with 12 people fitted in 6 people's seats have given us memories that are definitely are worth the trouble.

Cards and Guitar:
Playing card games like poker and singing to the tunes of guitar are few of the best memories in the engineering life. As a rule you have to sing "Sutta" once a day everyday in the IV and especially the parts with "Behnc*od"s and "Maac*od"s.
Even the small fights during poker games and disputes over chords and strumming patterns are sweetened by the ultimate joy of having a grand time with your friends.

and Smoking:
Arguably,the most attractive part of the IV for most of the guys, boundless drinking throughout the IV is indeed the utmost important aspect of an IV. People drink bottoms up, people fall in the corridors, people do crazy stuff like urinating in the washbasin or worse,urinating in the lift, people vomit limitlessly, choking up the commodes. Most of us nerds have had their first experience of boozing during a crazy IV night.

The same goes for smoking. Most of the times,non smokers have to spend their time in corridors, in girls' rooms or in toilets because the rooms are so full of smoke. Anyone with an asthma would either die or suffer a severe attack due to their tobacco smoking friends.

Although these aren't the most admirable things to do or to be proud of, this total loss of self control is one of the best parts of youth that we engineers get to experience to the full length only during IV.

No Industrial Visit:
In the IV, there's a certain industry that we all are supposed to visit. But well,most of us aren't in any mood for some industrial bulls*it,so only 10-20 out of 250 end up going to that boring place and listening to the boring details of that industry. Others enjoy the 10 days of Industrial Visit without visiting any industry.

Photos and Videos:
In an IV we click literally thousands of photos,some to be shared with everyone and some private,to be shared only with your closest of friends.

I don't know about others but my group of friends has a knack of making videos especially after getting drunk when at least one of us has gone full Tully and has no idea whatsoever as to what he's doing.Needless to say we spend hours watching these videos and laughing uncontrollably after we've come back.

Having a grand time with your significant other is not at all a part of the routine for an engineering student. An average engineer spends most of his time writing something on paper, typing something on notepad or clicking mouse to create diagrams that hardly make any sense to him.
So in the IV where no one is monitoring you and you have no assignments or projects pending, you get to spend some quality time with your love. How you spend that time and which base you reach in your relationship in the IV is a question of your own ;) but if you didn't have fun with your lover during an IV,didn't go for a walk in the moonlight with them,didn't dedicate them songs, you sure did miss part of the happiness you could've got from the IV.
But if you're single,then you can ofcourse make up for it by the higher alcohol quotient ;)

The IVs in the engineering years have given me the most cherishable memories with my friends of my life so far. Singing in the bus with your friends, clicking the endless photos, sharing your stuff ranging from cellphone chargers to sweatshirts, having booze and sharing the truths of our lives,even the small disputes are the memories that I'll get nostalgic by.
IV is the time to realize how much your friends mean to you and the irreplaceable place they hold in your life.

This time spent with friends will be remembered much more than the time we spend throughout the semester with the mind-numbing books.That's why we say it's the time of our lives.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Individuality Principle.

I just looked at all my posts and am amazed that I never wrote about the first principle I ever formulated ;)
I'd like to call it Individuality Principle. I didn't attach 'the' since there are many statements available online by the name of "Principle of individuality".

The statement of my principle goes as "Tu tu hai aur me me hu".
In standard English it'd say "You are you and I am me"

I know it would sound like the most obvious, redundant, nonsensical and random thing to say. And there have been times when me and my friends have laughed hysterically each time I've uttered these words.
But in it's core,you will find that it tells you the most basic principle of understanding the human nature. As many religions, philosophers and scientists have always been talkin about the fact that each and every damn multicellular living thing on this planet is a unique being. No two organisms are the same (I guess Mr. Darwin will agree to this). No two human beings are same.
You and I are two different beings with own points of views and none of us should expect the other person to think exactly the way we do.

Now,This is perhaps the most ignored fact in the history of mankind, a history full of wars because of the conflicting beliefs of religions, a history full of genocide against certain race, certain caste, certain religions.
Why? Because their beliefs contradict mine,so I go and fuckin kill them,they are impure if they are not like me. They are fuckin sinners if they don't praise my lord. They don't have the right to exist unless they confirm to my standards.

And wars or genocides which occur once in many years are just a blatant expression of a problem more deeply rooted. A problem that we have carried from generations, a problem that our future generations will inherit from us if we don't act on it soon.
And the problem is that we forget that each bloody individual has the birthright to be himself,. No matter how many people believe in your beliefs,it doesn't give you any right to think that someone else's beliefs is bullshit. And even if you think it is bullshit, doesn't make it bullshit.
And above all,it doesn't even matter what you think,coz he is entitled to have his own opinion anyway.

Think about it,if every individual on the planet knows and feels in his heart that individuality principle is indeed a profound truth of human existence, why would there be the problem of wars or religious terrorism??
Also the moral policing or cultural pressurisation of individuals by their own families in terms of behaviour,beliefs in systems like temples,marriages etc. , in short dictating their terms of existence would cease to exist once we embrace this principle.

We have hated our past generations for being hypocrites and suppressive, but are we going to give our future generations the right to be themselves,the right to be a unique individual with unique beliefs, unique points of view?
forget about the bloody generation,talk about our own kids,
Are we going to let them marry a person of other religion or suppress their desires because society supposedly doesn't confirm to such things?
Are we going to let them explore relationships and sexuality on their own or are we going to dictate what is acceptable and what is not?
Are we gonna give them freedom they deserve or deprive them of it because we didn't exactly get it from our parents?

It's been quite a serious post by my standards but I had to vent out all this anger and frustration about our suppressive,depressing society which almost never lets an individual be himself by putting a endless number of restrictions on his expression.
Ask this to artists whose paintings were torn,whose sculptures were broken to pieces or whose manuscripts were burnt because they didn't confirm to beliefs of some random group of people.
Ask this to relatives of those died in terrorist attacks.
Ask this to lovers whose love was taken away from them by the society.
Ask this to every fuckin sensetive individual out there with a threshold amount of sensibility and they will tell you the need to accpt individualism and the society is a myth,a nonexistent entity created to suppress those who come aganst the interest of a selfish few.
That's the rotten fact about human civilisation.

That is why it's quite ironic how the individuality principle needs to be embraced by the whole society for it to truly exist,which is also why it is so damn difficult to exist...
But then,everything worthwhile always is...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Viva Principle

Basic principle:No matter how much you study for a viva, the viva sucks.

Corollaries and supporting principles:

1. You are asked questions on the chapters you skipped.

2. If you didn't skip any chapter,you will be asked questions on the trivial parts you skipped in the 100-paged chapters.

3. If you read each word in each sentence of each paragraph on each page of the whole book, the external might wanna ask you questions that you didn't know existed. ex. "Is this room a product layout or process layout?"

4. The externals don't really want to hear your answer. If they get slightest idea that you know the answer,they'll either change the question or ask you details after details about each word that came out of your mouth.

5. The external has a poker face. The suspicious absence of any emotion on their face makes you wonder if your answer was right or did you just land up in deeper shit than you were already in.

6. The external will take the first opportunity to send you out of the room. The reasons could be various, bring the book, check a machine in the workshop and the worst, a re-viva.
They seem to think this is a game which is being played for their entertainment as they laugh through slaughtering our scores.
A rumour is, you need to exhibit certain sadist tendencies to be appointed as an external for a viva.

7. Whenever external asks questions on the parts the internal hasn't taught properly,which most of the times is pretty much the whole damn syllabus,the internal by law,has to say something like "Yeh to sikhaya tha maine!!" or "Class me dhyan dena chahiye tha" or the worst and most insulting "Itna bhi nahi aata??"
Besides,apart from a few exceptions, The internal forgets that his/her purpose of existence is to award you as many marks as he/she can and kicks your butt even more than external did.

8. If at all an internal is helpful, another professor from your college complains about him to HOD.

9. No matter how you think it went,the viva sucked.

Lesson to be learnt:

In the days before viva, use your time efficintly doing all the important things like hanging out with friends, watching movies, playing games or online chatting.
Keep yourself away even from thoughts of reading the textbook, the viva is going to suck anyway...

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Science Of M1

In the year 2009 when the country was being terrorized by the highly dangerous H1N1 virus,the young minds of my class were being thrown into the valley of insanity by a mentality virus M1 (Termed so by me and Pratik as usual).
M1 is an imaginary virus that seemed to manipulate the behaviour of perfectly healthy students of my class and turn them into a bunch of mental jerks.So now,let me explain the science of M1.

Cause of M1: Unknown,maybe being in SFIT.


1.Suddenly starting to laugh loudly without any reason, preferably, during an ongoing lecture.
2.Making wierd sounds during lecture and then laughin out loud.
3.Shouting in wierd tones.
4.Calling names of people in utmost vaghri tone.
5.Talking to non-living things like bench,fan or bottle of vodka.
6.Playing wierd games like attempting murder by sqeezing necks,or flying kites with girls hair,bashing heads of friends
7.Singing loudly in the middle of a lecture without any sense of time and place.
8.Falling off from one side of the bench to the other side of it,the mechanism of such fall is still unknown even to experts.
9.Irritating the person sitting on the next bench by performing various important actions like:
a.Scratching his back.
b.Pushing his shoulders.
c.Pushing his shoulders on the rhythm of a song,while singing.
d.Singing that song in a very vaghri tone.
e.Hiding his I-Card somewhere.
f.Putting water over their head.
g.Telling them to look back, say "Ha Ha Ha" & then start lookin somewhere else.
h.Hitting on their face,preferably their specs with absolutely anything at hand,like pouch,book or assignment pages.
i.Putting stuff like chocolate wrappers, wasted papers, pencils, pens etc. in the back of their shirt.
j.Doing all these things within a periods of 5 to 10 minutes proves you to be a certifiable M1 affected patient.

If you observe these symptoms in anyone including yourself,please consult a nearby psychiatrist. It's a matter of high importance!!

Casualties:Minds of many students.

Cure: Note:There maybe a cure for H1N1 but there is no cure for M1.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

More On The Tourist Professor

This article is dedicated to profound comparison between behavioural patterns of a Normal Professor(NP) and a Tourist Professor(TP). After a careful observation of a TP in our college (which is arguably the only reasonable thing to be done during his lectures) ,we have come to realise that there are some major differences in the two kinds which set them apart.
This is a sincere effort to list'em down.

1.Motive of coming to college:
A NP comes to college to take lectures and educate young minds. A TP comes to college to do timepass (interestingly,even short form of timepass is TP) and roam around in the campus .

2.Entry in the class:
A NP enters the class,rubs the blackboard,revises the last lecture in a few minutes and stats off with the lecture.
TP enters the class,spends a few minutes in necessary rituals like taking an apparently pointless round of the class,then closing the door,then taking another round and asking senseless questions like "Howwaz your weekend?" or gossiping about other professors before remotely showing any interest in starting the lecture.

3.The lecture:
NP gives a lecture with clear concepts and in a knowledgeable manner. If a doubt is asked, he takes an effort to solve it or else refers to a book.
TP's lecture is a simple dictation of paragraphs from a book. The idea seems to be,' why complicate things with explanations and knowledge when a ready made book is available'.
He would rather draw a diagram and then sit on the last bench for 15 minutes and read the book and decide which portion to dictate.
In case an unwitting soul asks a doubt,he would shamelessly say "It's given in the book" or "do a google search". Taking an effort to solve a student's doubt seems to be a fruitless waste of time when he has better things to do like taking another tour of the college and gossiping.

Also,for NP,completion of syllabus is a major concern but TP is free of any such senseless burden of responsibility. He teaches small,easy fractions of each chapter and recommends a book to refer for self study of everything else.

NP would start a practical session with explanation of the topic of the session in detail and the logic if programming is to be done. He would keenly check if every student is able to perform the practical.

Again,TP has rid himself of any such responsibility. His usual methodology is very simple. He enters the lab 10minutes late,writes the topic of the session on the board and gives the all important insight on the topic by saying "Do a google search and submit it next time."
After this,he has spends the next two hours in doing the most important things for a TP, Chatting with friends on gtalk from a Lab computer or talking on cellphone or else,taking another of those rounds of college for reasons unknown.
He would cancel a practical session if Internet connection is not available in the lab.

5.Paper Checking:
NP would check the papers with a concern for correcting students mistakes,so that they won't repeat the same mistakes again. He would discuss the answers in the class.
But a TP doesn't indulge himself in any such activity. He rather gives 70-80% marks to everyone who has drawn enough diagrams and written on enough pages of paper. If someone asks a doubt about his score,he would frankly answer "Marks badhane ke liye answer padhna padega yaar." and leave. The student ofcourse wouldn't mind bcoz he's scored already much more than deserved for most of the answers.

6.Image In Students:
NP has a clear and respectable image in heart of the students.He would be a source of profound knowledge to them.
TP is the source for timepass and comments due to his classroom behaviours like getting stuck in the middle of the lecture and a hundred ways of wasting time so as to extend the lecture upto an hours slot. He is also a source of a good term work score because he awards too many marks to students in order to masks his lack of knowledge.

As you must have observed,the only observable similarity between a normal professor and tourist professor is his post and his salary.

Now why does a tourist professor exist or is tolerated by students is a topic of research.Is it because they are afraid that even if they complain,the college will take his side or at most,give him some instructions but he'll hold a grudge against complaining students?
Or is it because of the free termwork score that they get from him?
Or is it because his behaviour is soothing on the background of other khadus or shouting professors?
More importantly,why does he take so many tours of the college? What does he get out of these tourist activities?

Whatever be the reason,tourist professor is here and is a prominent source of entertainment in the otherwise boring college day.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Perceptions of Classroom

First of all,this post is not about any particular principle.
Here,I just present a fact based on some keen observations by me and my friend Manan.

According to our observations,although our classroom is a single entity, 72 people coming to the class have different perceptions about it.

Here are some of the perceptions of classroom:

1.It's not a classroom but a Playground.People play many games like pakdapakdi,football and even cricket.

2.It's not a classroom but a Wrestling Ring or a fight club where you come to fight with each other and bang on each others head,back,hand and rest of the body. We even doubt that our class is sponsored by WWE although we don't know that for sure.

3.It's not a classroom but a Clubhouse where one can play wide array of indoor games ranging from card games like 3patti,poker,mendhicoat or UNO to mind games like scrabble to senseless games like forming a word from another word.
This perception is so strong that people play most of these games even during the boring lectures,which essentially includes all the lectures without an ounce of regret or shame.

4.It's not a classroom but a Restaurant and you may eat during the lectures.

5.It's a Chaatu-giri Contest and you're supposed to take chaatugiri of professors as a fulltime job.

6.Is a Singing Competition.Now,There is some good singing,some bad singing and then some absolute torture.

7.It's a Laughter Challenge.These fellas come to college with a single motive of telling their lame ass pj's to other people and torture their senses.

8.It's not a classroom but a Gaming Zone where you come to play various versions of FIFA, ProEvolution Soccer and other army games on bluetooth with each other.Some of the students come to classroom simply for the sake of playin these games in all the lectures.
Well,it's at least a million times more interesting than listenin to professors .

9.This brings me to professors.Even their perceptions of classroom are wide.For example:

a. Some think it's a Reading Contest and simply read out notes from textbooks or PowerPoint Presentations.

b. One thinks it's a Shoutin Contest and shouts till her lungs explode,even during role calls.

c. A very famous faculty comes only to roam around in the college and we suspect that he thinks whole college is a garden or a tourist place and call him the TOURIST of the college.

d. One of the faculty members comes to play self invented games like StandUp-SitDown, ComeHere-GoThere,GiveUrCell-TakeUrCell,CrackAJoke etc. Now if he actually reads this,chances are,he will probably take me to our HOD's office and make me pay some fine or something coz that is also one of his games- called ComeToShanbagSir'sOffice or even called as BiasedTorture.

Now I am only human and am bound to have an opinionated observation.If I missed something or if I hurt someone, then my bad, sorry, but these are d fuckin facts.

Besides,me and Manan have our own perception of classroom. We think it's an Entertainment Industry. We come to classroom,observe all these games,play a few,make fun of all,laugh all day and go home.

Now,although I posted all these observations,it doesn't mean that i am against any of the students bcoz I know that these are just our ways of surviving the accumulated effect of various factors like frustrating professors, knowledge-less professors,care-less professors,biased professors and in all an Agonizingly Discipline Obsessed College with a lack of sensible professors with reasonable knowledge with a few exceptions.

One has to find something interesting everyday or else you'd die of boredom.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

PTTP: Pratik's Three Time Principle

This one is solely accredited to my friend Pratik.
As you can see, PTTP stands for Pratik's three time principle.

I know I have wasted three lines typing the stuff that is obvious from the title and then wasted two more lines in saying that I've wasted two lines...but well,why should I care? space is free here,isn't it?? ;)

Seems I lost my train of thoughts there...but now,coming back to Pratik's Three Time Principle.
For those who know Pratik, he's a man for logical behaviour . So when he tries to convince someone something logically,he expects a logical co-operation,which is quite a logical expectation.
But most of the times,nobody cares about the logic and only keep repeating their points,without much thinking about what the other person is saying.

So that gave birth to PTTP.
The PTTP says that if during a conversation about convincing someone,that someone repeats his sentence for third consecutive time it's time to give up the efforts.
Think about it,since he repeated it three times,there's high probability that he'll repeat it for fourth or indefinite more times...

Do you really wanna waste your time talking to some idiot or would you rather apply PTTP and get the hell out of a agonizing conversation??

Just like UCNL,we have also been practising PTTP since our two engineering years,especially with arguably insane friends who have a tendency of wanting to win an argument regardless the actual topic of argument. For example,if you're having an argument with my friend Smit,it's always advisable to apply PTTP unless you want a severe headache after the end of the conversation or want to end up killing him.
There are worse cases like a few faculty members that have absolutely "No Input".
You can apply special corollaries like "Two Time Principle" or "One Time Principle" in such extremely menacing cases.
There is another variance called as Zero Time Principle or more commonly "Pratik's Ignore Principle" or PIP .It's usually applied to certifiably irritating friends with a tendancy of irritating you more once you start replying.

Every engineer has applied PTTP or its variances sometime or the other without knowing that a genius has actually formulated it down to a principle. But well,since you've read this,you know whom to thank for a sigh of relief when you sneak out of a frustrating argument thanks to PTTP...